What to Do, What to Do...

Day 15
350 Days Remaining

So now that I've done some reflecting on what goals I have managed to accomplish within the last five years (without even really meaning to), it's time to start really thinking about what I want to do with the remainder of this year.  It's silly in a way, I suppose, because it's not like not dating and not flirting and not doing any of these things I have vowed not to do this year will actually free up any time for me to do all these new things I hope to accomplish...in fact, my year will probably be more busy regardless...but I still want to have goals, and things to occupy my mind on those days when I am bound to get a bit lonely.

Incidentally, I have already had some of those days.  That doesn't really have to do with not dating, per se, but it is still part and parcel of this business of getting over my last boyfriend.  A few days this week I have found myself really missing HB, and it's been hard.  On days like that, sometimes there's nothing to do but just let yourself feel what you're feeling, have a bit of a cry, maybe lie down and close your eyes and pretend that he's there holding you - okay, yes, I did that and maybe it's stupid, but it helped! - and then move on.  Maybe having an idea of some things I want to accomplish will also give me somewhere to focus on those days when I feel alone and things get tough.

So, let`s take a look at my 43Things list and see what`s on there that I still haven`t gotten to, and what I want to add to my list of things to do this year:

#1. Learn to dance.  I can dance.  I mean, I can do the white man's overbite and the shuffle step with the best of them, and when I'm out with my girlfriends at a club I can toss my hair and utilize my hips to the best of their ability.  However, here I am not talking about simple high-school-prom dancing - I would like to really learn how to dance.  When I was married, my husband finally agreed to take a dance class with me, because I had wanted it for so long, and when we got there, I sucked!  I mean, I couldn`t follow direction; I lacked grace and ability; I tripped over my own feet and my husband`s...I was a mess.  It was a huge disappointment for me.  I would still very much like to take a proper dance class and try to vindicate myself.  Ballroom, swing, jive...something.  Maybe I`ll look for a class sometime this year.

Harry demonstrates the "White Man's Overbite" for Sally

#2. Go to Ireland and #5. Visit California.  Now wouldn't it be nice if I could do one of these for my little winter getaway this year?  HB and I had planned to go to Mexico together, but now that we are not talking to one another (and now that I'm in a non-dating year and going to Mexico with your ex-boyfriend is clearly on the "Don't" list), I have decided to take a trip on my own instead.  I looked it up - flights to Ireland are absolutely out of my price range.  California is still a possibility, though; let's keep that one on the list.

#3. Improve my singing voice.  Okay, so maybe singing lessons on top of dance lessons.  On top of school and work and kids and keeping house and homework and blogging...How about just more practicing in the shower?

#6. Pierce my bellybutton again.  This is one I would definitely like to do this year.  My bellybutton was pierced, once upon a time.  It is currently unadorned and I think I might like to have it pierced again.  This time, however, I think I will go to a place that actually specializes in piercing.  The first time involved my then-husband, a match, a potato, an ice cube, and a large sewing needle.  It worked - believe it or not - and I had a cute little ring in my navel for a couple of weeks.  Then I took it out to clean it properly and could never get it back in.

Oooh yes, I want one of these!

#7. Skydive. I don't know where or how to do this, but if the opportunity comes up, I would like to take it.  It scares the absolute crap out of me (and if you ever told my kids that I want to skydive, they would burst out laughing - at least the boys would, considering that I panicked when they wanted to jump off a rather low bank into the lake, and started screaming and crying for them to get away from the edge!) but also sounds so amazing.  What better way to get over a fear of heights?  Big talker, yeah yeah yeah...get me up in a plane and then see how well I handle it.

#8. Go on a cruise.  This won't happen this year.  But, I have promised myself a cruise for my 45th birthday.  I have a few years to go before this one will get crossed off the list.

#13. Read "Wuthering Heights" by Emily Bronte.  Easy peasy.  I'll reserve it from the library.

#14. Treat myself to something special every paycheque. It's really a difficult thing for me to do this.  I spent a lot of years being told how selfish I was, so it's still hard for me to do anything for myself without worrying and wondering whether I am being selfish or not.  I have to keep reminding myself that taking care of myself is necessary, and that I work hard and I do deserve something nice every once in a while.  This paycheque, my sister and I are taking a mini-vacation to Lake Cowichan and tubing down the Cowichan River.  In fact, as soon as I finish up this blog, I'm going to quickly pack a bag and go pick her up.  Next paycheque I guess my something special will be paying my school tuition.

#15. Foster a child and  #16. Learn Spanish are both doable, if I find myself with enough time and money.   #17. Become financially independent and  #20. Buy a house will not happen this year or anytime until long after I am finished my degree, four years from now, so I can't count on them as distractions.

#21. Get my book published. This is also highly unlikely, but I suppose I could spend a little more time and effort on trying to get it published, rather than just let it sit there doing nothing.  I wrote this novel years ago; it took me less than a year to get it written, and less than five rejections to scare me off of submitting it to anyone ever again. I have let a few people read it, and have received favorable reviews, but writing a book is like having a baby - you have a tremendous amount of pride when people compliment it, and fierce protectiveness when they criticize it.  If it's really important to me to get this novel published, I need to develop a thicker skin and just start sending out more proposals.  Would that be amazing if I actually managed to get it published?  It would be a dream come true.

#22. Take vitamins daily.  It takes twenty-one days to make a habit.  This is one that I have yet to cultivate.

#23. Survive my divorce.  Yes, as strange as it may seem, after six years of being apart from my husband, we are still not divorced.  How sad it is to see that on the 43Things list and have to still work toward it, five years later!  I think we are getting closer now, though; we have a hearing in September to work out some more custody details (this is not fun stuff, so I am not going to go into the fine print of it all), and then after that I believe we can actually move on to the second stage of the divorce and proceed to get it complete.  It will still be difficult, even all these years later, but it needs to be done.

I have a few more ideas of things I want to accomplish this year, but I have a suitcase to pack and a river to float down!  Comments are always welcome; ideas are appreciated; and your readership is an encouragement!  Thanks, everyone.

L