Thursday, 7 February 2013

Year Half Empty, or Year Half Full?

Day 182
183 Days Remaining

When you're splitting a year directly in half - unless it's a leap year, which this year is not - it's hard to know where exactly the halfway point is.  365 days doesn't divide evenly, which is a source of annoyance to people with slight OCD tendencies, such as myself.  So, I'm choosing to take both today AND tomorrow as the halfway point in this 365-day journey, since there's no way to really know where exactly the moment of 182.5 days will take place (okay, yes, I'm sure there are ways to scientifically figure that out, but I'm not going to go that far with it!).  So, here we are, celebrating the halfway point of my year without dating.

Six months gone; six months left.  In some ways I feel as though this is yet another turning point; it's a way of marking another new beginning within this new beginning.  I can re-energize myself, much as I do when I'm on the treadmill and I get to the point of being halfway done - this new burst of energy comes over me and I feel like shouting "I can do this!  I can!"  Despite my "failures" and stumbles along the way, I have managed to make it this far, and I can definitively say that I have learned a lot in the past 182 days.  It's not really the fact of not dating that is changing me, but the fact that I have made the commitment to take the time to get to know myself and to work on revamping and overthrowing old habits, as well as creating new ones.  I feel a lot more in touch with myself, with my needs, and with God.  So far, a success.

So far during this yearlong hiatus I've examined my past relationships; made lists of what I want to do with my life and with myself; learned to how set some boundaries; reflected on my own shortcomings; and fallen back in love with myself and with my Lord.  I've created new habits and ventured forth with things that I have wanted to do for a long time and never allowed myself to.  I let go of the one thing - the one man - that was holding me back for too long, and I haven't missed him in the least.  I have found a new kind of freedom, and it excites me to think of what's ahead of me.  In the next six months, I plan to take a long-awaited and much-needed vacation on my own or with a dear friend; finish my first year of nursing school; continue my dance lessons and maybe even hit the dance floor a time or two; and drive down to Mexico with my church family to build houses for three families who are living in cardboard shacks roofed with plastic bags.  There is so much to look forward to! 

 Halfway.  It's already felt like such a long time, and I have to admit the months ahead seem daunting, but I will fill them with new revelations and I am sure I will come to know myself even more intimately.  I know I still need to work on my boundaries, my red-flag indicators, and staying strong with what I want for myself, but as lengthy as it seems when I envision that 183 days still ahead of me, it's also a relief that I still have that much more time to work toward really being who I am and cementing those ideas of what I want and don't want inside my head and my heart. 

Celebrating the halfway point today with a heart that's anything but half-full,


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